Green Light with Chris Long Newsletter
"You know why they made sidewalks? because the streets ain’t for everybody" - Dallas Goedert
Dallas Goedert is Staying in Philly!
Obviously, the Wednesday news cycle was dominated by the ass-crack-of-dawn announcement of the George Pickens trade, but, as Eagles fans (hand up) know, it wasn’t the only impactful “Dallas”-related *wink* news item from that day.
It was also announced on hump day that Eagles tight end Dallas Goedert, who averaged 10.8 yards per target (which is to say, on average, simply throwing #88 the ball was netting a 1st down) during this past season’s Super Bowl-punctuated playoff run, had agreed to a reworked contract that’ll keep him in Philly for the 2025 season. This new deal will pay him $10M with an additional $1M in incentives, and puts to rest the trade speculation that had surrounded him up until this point in the offseason.
While Goedert has certainly had durability issues over the previous three seasons, he’s one of the best combo-skillset (some tight ends are receivers, some are blockers, combo guys are both) tight ends in the league when he’s on the field, so a $10M deal is a team-friendly bargain, especially after seeing San Fran’s George Kittle sign an extension worth double that price last week.
Goedert was kept in the loop as trade offers came in over the course of NFL Draft weekend, and ultimately opted to take less money to stay in the 215 as the Birds set out to run it back. It’s hard for Eagles fans to love this dude more than we already do, but a selfless move like that is legendary stuff.
Go Birds.
- Nolan “the All-22 GOAT” Murt
The Colorado Rockies Stink
I’ll be honest—my baseball bets this year have been about as successful as a Rockies rally. Not great. Mostly due to a complete lack of research, effort, or really anything resembling a strategy. But that all changes today.
Now, I’m no MLB expert. I’ve mostly just been watching the Nationals, which is its own kind of punishment these days (we’re going to turn it around though I promise). But it doesn’t take a sabermetrics guru to recognize that the Colorado Rockies are hot garbage. Like, “historically bad” garbage.
After a bit of digging (and by that I mean watching the Rockies forget how to hit every first inning), I’ve discovered a gold mine of consistent futility. They’ve scored zero runs in the first inning in 28 of their first 35 games. So naturally, I’m putting $1 on them to keep that streak of offensive invisibility alive every game for the rest of the season.
But wait—there’s more!
According to my very scientific calculations, the Rockies are on pace to lose 134 games. That’s not just bad, that’s record-setting bad. So, starting now, I’ll also be placing $1 on the other team’s moneyline in every Rockies game. Betting against Colorado might be the safest bet in baseball.
And if you really want to join me in this beautiful chaos, consider sprinkling a little cash on the Rockies to score zero runs in the fourth inning too (If you can figure out how to do it, let me know). That’s the inning they’ve blanked in more than any other so far this season (Check out the chart below).
Anyway, I’ll check back in a couple weeks or so to let y’all know how many McChickens my strategy has earned me. God bless the Rockies—for making me believe in betting again.
- Tanner
Zach Allen Interview
The fellas talk about the success of the Broncos in 2024, especially the defense, led by an All-Pro season from Zach. Zach also talks about Sean Payton's coaching style, Bo Nix's emergence, DPOY Patrick Surtain II, the popularity of the Broncos throwback uniforms and the importance of having a great DLine group chat.
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The Chalk: All Odds From BetMGM
Macon: Thunder (Friday) and Celtics (Saturday) to win: +110
Ralph: Pick is Pacers ML
Reid: Let’s do a little parlay on the over for all the basketball games. Cavs vs Packers OVER (226.5), Thunder vs Nuggets OVER (232.5), Celtics vs Knicks OVER (205.5), and Timberwolves vs Warriors over (201.5)
Tanner: Padres -170, You know the deal
Aidan: Nuggets in 7
Kevin: Pirates +120
What We’re Watching:
Macon: It’s a nice little rotation of MobLand, The Studio, The Last of Us, and Your Friends and Neighbors.
Nate: Watching amazing race
Ralph: Watching Jason Tatum be an absolute pu**y
Reid: Hopefully we’ll be watching the water flow right under us as we hit a float this weekend. Don’t forget to get outside and enjoy yourself a good bit.
Tanner: I’ll be watching a college track meet at JMU this weekend. At least I think so… I’m getting paid to film something that’s all I know
Aidan: The Last of Us
Kevin: Pope coverage, SOUTHSIDE Chicago taking over Vatican City!!!!
Tanner’s TOTW (Tune of the Week)
An all-time banger